So... has anyone else noticed that everytime you see Tatu they'r always matching... =\ yeah I know... wonderful entry right after that last one. X3

Thinking back to our memories, looking back on all of our scars. Way back, where it just hit us and said "Wow, thats how I feel too" To crawl up in that ball of confusion. The words seeping in, dead is me. Everything now burned on me. My head was about to burst, why does it repeat you're name? Fearing that I would get shunned I placed a bag over my head. Deny Deny Deny. You'll be safe then. Yet I still hurt, I still yearned. I knew, I knew you were forbiden. I dare not touch this... beautiful apple. Every moment coaxed me, my trembling hands... oh how I just had to feel it once... just once...

No, I stopped. What was he to think of me? Was he to kill? Those guarding, needing eye. I couldn't do it. Day by day, night by night I felt the burn. Why couldn't I touch? Why can't I have? To carry this burden... I couldn't take it. "I Love You!" I screamed. I screamed so loud, so loud. Everyone knew, everyone disgusted. That's all I said for a week. I kneeled I cried everyday. Living just to say those three words.

But... I still couldn't touch. The wall was thicker now... He was always in the shadows, watching. My heart broke... I watched from a distance. I began to think... do those Three words have meaning anymore... will she ever be mine? Is my fighting hopeless? Will I just die of this?

Doubts, everything flew through my mind. But one look in her eye I fell again. I yearned to live. And to live with her. I said those words secretly every night and everyday to her. Until we flew away.

Bow down... to the sexiness.

So I'm starting to get annoyed by this Msn Space thing. I can't have freedom of mind here at all! I can't add this, can't move this. Im thinking of making a new Xanga or a Blogger again. But the thing is... sometimes I write stuff in here for people to read. Like... if I know someone reads this I kinda... 'tell' them stuff through my blog. In a kind of hidden meaning. Hopefully they've been getting it.

I think I'll keep this for now and make a Xanga (I like the whole community with it). I'll have to just copy and paste everything. Geez. And if I find progress with the Xanga I'll stick to that. And if not I'll ditch iit.

"She knows she can have you. It’s something she won’t forget, like her own birthday. She knows you’d leave me if she asked. If she stepped up, said, “ready.” If only she’d say so. Save me from me.

She knows she’s what you’ll hold out for. She’s the cards you won’t fold, the money you’ll count under the table. She’s the call you’ll want to make upon receiving news. She’s the everything, except here with you.

She knows you’re looped around her finger, the one you’d use to point me to the door if she stepped back through yours. You’re swept up beneath her hair as it brushes right past you. She can’t see past she, and you hardly notice me.

She knows you ache without her, but your wounds live with me. I’m with you because I can say everything she can’t. You’d say goodbye to me with her first hello. I’d bring you the moon, even if you asked for another once I lassoed it down. I’m your second choice, and I’d be there in seconds, even if you complained I was late. You’d bring her everything, including an end to you and me.

I can’t see past how she passed on you and how you see past me."
-Greek Tragedy

um.... Nothing today... except... that we really messed up today... maybe something will happen tomorrow. Oh the weather is so depressing too.

Well the trip to Mississippi and Louisiana was ok. A lot of mixed feelings. Lets do a list because I have to get to something way more important.

-Papa is scary when mad
-Hes scarier when your right next to him while hes screaming
-Esp. when hes standing next to a 6str. window.
-The hotel pool sucks
-EJ likes me? x_x
-Butchoy and Eder like sweets and I dont
-They eat a lot but never get fat (wtf!)
-My family has a gambling problem
-50% off clearance sales is the sweetness
-My family is racsis against black people (im not!! they are... its fucking annoying)
-They lost a lot of money
-Never give Papa drinks and throw-able objects
-Never go with family to New Orleans. Never. and I mean NEVER

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Ok!! now the good part.... I have found out this wonderful thing. And Im so happy. I can finally tell someone in my family about 'me'. If you guys know what I mean. My Tita (aunt) Lettie is lesbian. yes.. I know tons of gasps. Ive always wondered!! And Ive always wondered who that girl she traveled around with. I like her a lot. I keep forgetting her name though >< . When I was younger I remember talking to Tita Lettie:

Me: how come you dont have a husband?
Tita: because I dont need one. thats why I have so much money! You dont need a man to be happy

Omg.. Im so happy I found this out. When I asked my mom and she said yes I was about to start partying but I had to ton it down for it was suspicous. Hopefully I can try and plan a trip there. Ill ask Tita Lettie if she can help me buy tickets. Maybe for next year. God, I cant wait to talk to her. I have so much questions. @__@ This was the best part of the trip man.

Our trip is tomorrow. Im leaving around 6 in the morning. So yeah... I'll tell you all about it when I come back home. Ill be back Monday morning I think. Well.... yeah. Peace People. Dont miss me too much. ^_~

So I just noticed people acually read this thing. Not just people from school too. Its weird because with all the people that claim to read this never comment. Thanks guys feeling the love. X3 How my life is interesting I have no clue. -_-;

Well.... anyway.... Im going to pack tonight or my mom will kill me. So yeah... we'r leaving Friday morning I think.. well Ill promise some pictures (like always) And about the band trip pictures I still need to go to RJ's house and scan them. I like those pictures a lot it really sucks how some got ruined though. Oh well... More friends and more bands trips next year.

And I cant help it... but my hair smells really good right now... >_>

Buy new Clothes
Convince mom in letting me go to Warper Tour
Dye/Highlight my hair
Loose 5-10 pounds atleast
Complete Download Cd List
Get an Even Tan
Buy more Oils and Candles
Buy an Decor room
Buy Decor stuff downtown
Go to the Gay Pride Fest
Attend more then 2 local concerts
Learn to drive
Meet new people
Go to Atlanta for shopping
Learn Stick Shift
Find a Job
Save money for beginning of school shopping
Go to mall/downtown with huge group of friends
Party Hard

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Ill probably make this a list later on. I will once I come back from Mississippi/Louisiana.

Oh and about the loose pounds thing. Dont kill me about it ok guys?! I just wanna get rid of my baby fat XD lol. Acually I just want my lower belly to go away a little bit. Im not saying Im fat the Normal/Health Body mass is from 18.5-24.9 and Im a solid 21. I acually thought I was higher then that. A lot of people are either underwieght or over wieght, I just realized. Man society sucks ass. But I guess its not its fault people like me get put down because we'r not twigs with disgustingly big boobs. Lol. Watever. XD Screw everyone who says Im fat. I like food. Leave me alone XD